for a mom that photographs almost everything, we have scrapbooks full of firsts. this year will come with a handful of lasts. the last year we will all live an entire calendar year under the same roof. the last 'back to school' picture of all three children together.
i predicted the emotional avalanche would hit on the first day of school. i scheduled the morning off to cry for pete’s sake. i was not prepared for the landslide during a senior parent meeting.
the weekend had been a whirlwind of back to school preparations. quite a bit of it was spent harping on the son i plan to miss; wash your clothes, organize your closet, shave, and number on on the list, find “that smell” in your room! if i am type a, he is type z.
on sunday, bennett had a senior dinner. the parents would join them an hour later for a pep talk and check writing. the moment our headmaster said “class of 2014” it got real! just hearing this out load means it is happening.
my face went warm, a lump formed in my throat, the tears were welling.... not now! we were on the front row.
email is a sure fire way for me to switch gears. so i checked my email. think work. not my life in 180 days will no longer be the same. i made it all the way home without crying. or talking. because talking would have made me start crying.
after dinner, i needed to find the picture of bennett on his first day of the first grade. perfect for a back to school post.
tonight of all nights, i knew better than to look through old photographs. just the sight of picture boxes was all it took. memories flooded my mind and the tears started to roll... for a good hour. i never found the picture, i knew finding it would be like a needle in a haystack. but i closed the last box more convinced than ever how brief life is.
time speeds by.