Wednesday, March 19, 2014

waving the white flag

i am coming to the realization that my plan might not be the plan God has in store for my son. my hopes of bennett attending the college of my choice are fading. his college years fitting neatly into my imaginary box. the box i have prepared since the beginning of high school. the box many of his teachers and headmaster agreed was a box suited for him. the darn box he was in a month ago!

i was photographing a senior boy a few weeks ago. i got into a heartfelt discussion with his mother. we discussed our 'boy problems' and while they were very different, she said something that embedded itself in my mind... "imagine the heartache we mothers will experience if we interfere with God's plan." yikes! that's a frightening thought.



i am guilty of trying to interfere. just this week, over dinner, bennett was sharing a story of a friend who just received a brand new car for graduation. (this talented friend also received a full scholarship.) before i knew what was happening, i offered up a new car! right there over baked chicken. a new truck dangling on a string...the only catch:  he would choose the citadel. the look of shock on his face, on jeff's face. it was the first mention of my desire for him to choose my one school over his another. 


 so he is not getting a new car.  i imagine this decision was made a while ago. i believe his daddy has known all along and together my guys are breaking it to me gently. while both schools are academically strong. my husband knows my worry will suddenly be compounded. from wilson hall,a nice, safe, small school to one of the largest universities in the state. {sigh}  


i know that i need to accept the amazing plan God has in store for my boy. he's a pretty neat kid after all! i just worry. so i made my first clemson purchase ever.  what southern boy doesn't love a hat with a mesh back.  i left it in his car along with a note. perhaps symbolizing me, waving my surrender flag. 

"God has given us a free will. He also allows the consequences of our interference."  i surrender. i will no longer try to stuff him into my box or bribe my boy with toys. i will continue to pray and wait on God's perfect plan to be enacted in His perfect time.

4 comments:

Living Life in the Lowcountry said...

Yes, God does have a plan, but boy I sure hate it when it doesn't line up with mine!
I have to say I am a little tickled that he is going to Clemson, our daughter will be there the year after (we think) and a little voice inside my head keeps thinking "he is such a good kid from such a nice family...maybe their paths will cross..." ;)
And you know our son is in the Bridge to Clemson program. And he was one that I thought REALLY needed to be somewhere like the Citadel but he wasn't the least bit interested. He is doing better than we would have ever imagined!
It's going to be alright my friend!

marlowe said...

Ahhh! My parents alma mater ... his blood will always run orange ;)

Cheryl said...

Oh, the times I have given me dear Alexandra and Graham to God, only to take them back. "God, I don't think you understand. That's not what I think he/she should do. " I do think I have bumbled God's plan along the way only trying to help Him. Even now.

Thinking of you.

CathyMA said...

This is so sweet. I bet he will be SO happy, which will make you happy.

BTW, we are getting somewhere between 6- 16 inches of snow on Wed. I am not amused.

Carry On….

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