i love #tbt
(for my mom, this means "throw back thursday")
an excuse to swoon over old pictures!this thursday, my throwback goes out to my strongest willed child. (say what?) it may be hard to believe now, but when anna katherine was younger her temperament was summed up best as defiant! she wins the family trophy for "the most time spent in the corner" and "the most spankings for defiance."
that sweet face asleep in time out, reminded me of the exhausting days spent "shaping her little will."
i lost count of the number of times anna katherien sent me frantically searching for dr. dobson's words.
Shaping the Will (from The Strong Willed Child)
A child who behaves in ways that are disrespectful or harmful to himself or others often has a hidden motive. Whether he recognizes it or not, he is usually seeking to verify the existence and stability of the boundaries.
With that said, let’s hurry along now to the how-tos of shaping a child’s will. I’ve boiled this complex topic down to six straight-forward guidelines that I hope will be helpful, the first of which is most important and will be dealt with in greater detail.
- Begin teaching respect for authority while children are very young. The most urgent advice I can give to the parents of an assertive, independent child is to establish their positions as strong but loving leaders when Junior and Missy are in the preschool years. When that nose-to-nose confrontation occurs between generations, it is extremely important for the adults to display confidence and decisiveness. Nothing is more destructive to parental leadership than for a mother or father to equivocate during that struggle.
- Define the boundaries before they are enforced. Preceding any disciplinary event is the necessity of establishing reasonable expectations and boundaries for the child. She should know what is and is not acceptable behavior before she is held responsible for it. This precondition will eliminate the sense of injustice that a youngster feels when she is punished or scolded for violating a vague or unidentified rule.
- Distinguish between willful defiance and childish irresponsibility. When accidents happen, patience and tolerance are the order of the day. There is another category of behavior, however, that is strikingly different. It occurs when a child defies the authority of the parent in a blatant manner. She may shout “I will not!” or “You shut up!” or “You can’t make me.” When mothers and fathers fail to be the boss in a moment like that, they create for themselves and their families a potential lifetime of heartache.
- Reassure and teach after the confrontation is over. After a time of conflict during which the parent has demonstrated his right to lead (particularly if it resulted in tears for the child), the youngster between two and seven (or older) will probably want to be loved and reassured. By all means, open your arms and let him come! Hold him close and tell him of your love. This is a teachable moment, when the objective of your discipline can be explained.
- Avoid impossible demands. Be absolutely sure that your child is capable of delivering what you require. Never punish him for wetting the bed involuntarily or for not becoming trained by one year of age or for doing poorly in school when he is incapable of academic success. These impossible demands put the child in an irresolvable conflict: there is no way out.
- Let love be your guide! A relationship that is characterized by genuine love and affection is likely to be a healthy one, even though some parental mistakes and errors are inevitable.
every parent should be required to read this book!
at least TWICE!
some of her stongest battles were over:
*wearing shoes! *not eating candy *staying in her carseat *staying in her bed *washing her hair *brusing her hair *clipping her fingernails *taking a bath *putting away her toys *and most of all, not telling her mom and dad no!
rule number one: as a parent, you have to win. every time! giving in out of exhaustion is losing the battle. and boy was i tempted, so many times! "just go in barefooted!" or "ok! two cupcakes and that's it!"
the days fighting and winning the battles was time well spent! while her words can still get a little sassy, she has turned out sweeter and more respectful than we ever imagined!
i read somewhere that strong willed children are not sprints. they are marathons!
we sure love this sweet young lady!
i haven't quit reading... there's an entire section on teenagers!