rules for dating my SON!

i am hard at work in my office this morning. editing and listening to my favorite news. something on the today show has made me stop and jump. on my soap box! i have given myself ten minutes to rant! so the coherency of this post may be scattered!

there's this dad (of a two year old) that has drawn attention to himself by creating a Facebook page that's all about "rules to date his daughter." 

i am the mother of a girl and a boy, both out there in the (teenage supervised)  'dating world.'   i am stamping myself unbiased and qualified for this ten minute rant ;)
 the media makes sure the world knows that daddy's love their daughters. proven by the numerous videos of shotgun toting dads, threatening boys, calling them princesses and listing the rules boys must abide by.

reverse roles and how many do we see?

it is true anna katherine has a daddy that loves her unconditionally. it is also try that this mother loves her son just as much! media, please stop with the blanket inferences. 

why are the same standards not held for girls? the media is full to the brim with stories about 'rules for dating my daughter.' what about  "rules for dating my son?"  because just like there's bad boys lurking out there in the world, just waiting to take advantage of your princess,  there's just as many (if not twice as many) bad girls waiting to pounce on our sweet boys. 

i have 8 minutes left ;) so here's my ten cents worth on a few rules:

#1 a boy should pay for everything? ok, i get this in the grown up world. but teenagers? often they are students without jobs. they finance their dates with an allowance or minimum wage from a job. some girls require quite a bit of $$$ entertainment.   

i will teach my son to work for his money and pay for his dates, but also teach your daughter to be considerate.

#2 a dress code? don't even get me started! i will simply say:

i will teach my son to not dress like a gangster thug. teach your daughter how not to dress like a prostitute. 

#3 sexting!? let's compare the statistics of topless girls to pant less boys. never mind, let's not.

#6 use caution when calling your daughter a princess. the "little princess syndrome" is an ugly quality. humility is much more attractive. 

this is in no way reflective of my own children and their dates. in general,  we have been very ~ very fortunate. this rant is about the media always portraying the boys as the bad guys.  i have a good son and a good daughter. my son has dated some of the most considerate christian girls.  my daughter has a boyfriend right now who is the textbook example of a gentleman.  hats off to these awesome parents!

my advice to the dad on the today show; DO YOUR JOB and raise a lady and i will do my job to raise a gentleman! ladies usually attract gentleman. 

enough caps and bold typing :) i am just sick and tired of the double standard! my time is up, back to work on a wedding album ;) before i go, check out this positive post floating around on the internet. it is from the blog "teach me to braid"  she has just been added to my blog roll.

THIS makes me happy!

teach me to braid

If my child marries yours...
I just want you to know that I'm praying for you.

When I'm awake at night - feeding babies, burping babies, giving tylenol to a feverish toddler, covering up chilly toes, tucking green monkeys under little arms - I think of you. Because chances are, you're awake too, doing the same sorts of things. Taking care of tiny children that I already love because they will someday hold the hearts that are beating against my chest tonight.

I'm praying that you'll stand firm against the pressures to overcommit and hyper-schedule, that you'll shut out the voices that tell you you're not doing enough, that your kids aren't doing enough.

I'm praying you'll have the wisdom to know when to pick that crying baby up out of her crib and when to just sit outside her door, your fingertips pressed to the wood, willing her to feel your love and comfort and just finally fall asleep.

I'm praying that you will take those children to church...that the mothers and fathers of our future grandchildren will grow up knowing what it means to worship, even when that means missing out-of-town basketball tournaments and marathon sleepovers.

I'm praying that your love for and commitment to your spouse will swell with each year you're together, that you will grow to love the legacy you are creating just as much as you adore the person you're creating it with.

I'm praying that you take lots of pictures so that I can see where our grandchildren got their sticky-out ears and their mischievous grins.

I'm praying that Jesus will give you just enough strength each day to keep you from losing it but not so much that you forget Who that strength comes from.

I'm praying that we will be friends.

Will you pray those things for me too?

I don't really pray for your child. Maybe I should. My husband does that, and I think it's wonderful. But chances are, your child is just fine. And chances are, a lot of the time, you aren't. Chances are, if you're anything like me, you're very tired. And some days, you get so discouraged. Sometimes, your temper erupts, your selfishness wins, and your smile is fake. Sometimes you forget to change the baby's diaper, to spend time being silly with your toddler, to really see your spouse. So it's you I am praying for right now, in the still darkness, with this baby fist pressed up under my chin and this sweet, sleepy breath on my ear. May you feel these prayers when you need them the most.

We are in this together, you and I. We are building something beautiful with each onesie folded, each invisible owie kissed, each story read.

You don't know how much it means to me that you give your children everything you have every single day...even on days when it's not much at all. Because your child will fall asleep next to mine for fifty-some years. Your child will be the one holding my child's hand when our first grandchild is born. And when they face the darkest days of their lives, it will be your child and mine, facing into the struggle together.

I'm pretty sure that our longest days - the ones that are brim-full with hair-pulling moments, impossible messes, and toddler meltdowns - those are the days that we are fashioning hearts. And someday, one of the hearts I'm helping create will crash into one of your love-crafted hearts, and what spills out as a result of that's kind of up to us. I promise to tend to these hearts with utmost care, to plant in them humility and peace and selflessness...especially selflessness. I promise to plant Jesus seeds in these hearts every chance I get. And I promise to keep praying for you.

I'm praying that you will hug your boy tight when he's sad or lonely or scared. Because someday, my girl - all grown beautiful with babies of her own - will be sad or lonely or scared. And he'll need to know how to hold her. Teach him.

And let your daughters hear you speak righteous words that bring life and hope. Because someday, my sons will be worn and weary, and the words you're placing in your daughters' minds today just might become the balm to my sons' souls. 

I'm doing my best to do the same. And sometimes...much of the time...I fail. Pray for me too.

Someday we will sit on opposite sides of the aisle...all fancy and with gobs of tissues tucked into our fists. We'll watch our silly, sticky, sweet babies somehow transform into brides and grooms and make the same promises to one another that we ourselves have kept...against all odds and only by His grace. And we will watch these children create families of their own with the ingredients we have given them. The ingredients we are slipping into their souls today.

But until then, I'm sitting here in the dark with babies in my arms.

And I'm praying for you.
Living Life in the Lowcountry said...

Amen, sister! :)

DawnW said...

This mom of boys completely agrees with you, Heidi!! Love every one of your points too! And that blog post from "teach me how to braid" is wonderful. I read it on facebook this week and loved it so much.

The 1st of May said...

yes, Yes, YES!!!

Cheryl said...

Having two adult children, a daughter, who just married the boy she met freshman year in college (after many ups and downs and growing times) and a son, who is 27 and may just be meeting the one.
But when they were younger I spoke to both of them, about respecting themselves and the boy or girl they were dating and their families. I actually felt more comfortable for my daughter. I was never sure the mother's of the girls my son dated had that same conversation. I could only reiterate what I had said, and pray. I still do. I pray for the woman he is going to spend his life with. To protect her, and bring them together at the time that is right for them.

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